How Not to Grade the Next Paper

1. Eat chips.
2. Look out the windows.
3. Pick up pieces of leaf that somebody's tracked into the house.
4. Or just think about picking up pieces of leaf that somebody's tracked into the house.
5. Eat more chips. Eat a pickle. Eat chips.
6. Wonder if you've had too much caffeine.
7. Eat leftover pizza.
8. Decide you haven't (had too much caffeine). Open a Coke.
9. Wonder if the girl you took to a dance in the Eighth Grade is up to something more exciting than this. Google her.
10. Count the number of papers remaining. Forget the number. Count them again.
11. Look out the windows some more.
12. Think about going on a jog.
13. Think about just writing about thinking about going on a jog, instead of going on one.
14. Write about thinking about going on a jog.